


Blackout Noises

by johnny cade (johnnycake)



Series: Rebellious Causes [5]
Category: Rebel Without a Cause (1955)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Autism, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, trans!Plato
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-03
Updated: 2018-10-03
Packaged: 2019-07-24 10:34:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16173332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/johnnycake/pseuds/johnny%20cade
Summary: Jim and Plato go on a date.





	Blackout Noises

**Author's Note:**

> fuck i am so sorry this keeps takin’ forever, that is not my intent; i’ve been havin’ a real, real hard time lately, so my updates have been slowed down

The sun was shining brightly, even though it was nearly sundown and there wasn’t a cloud in the sky. The sky itself was a deep blue that was brilliant just looking at it, just barely starting to turn to a warm red-orange. It was warm out, but not too hot thanks to the gentle, constant breeze blowing through the trees, rustling the leaves. All in all it was a beautiful day and Jim thought it was perfect for his and Plato’s first official date. The thought alone made him smile widely as he stared up at the sky, feeling the breeze blowing through his hair, his hands stuffed into his pockets as he stood against his car, waiting outside of Plato’s house. They’d gone out plenty of other times together before this, sure, but it hadn’t ever been official. This was the first time they were going out where both of them had called it a date and Jim had officially asked him. Like he was supposed to.

The front door of Plato’s house opened slowly and Jim watched as Plato stepped outside. Pam stood in the doorway, telling him to have a nice time and to be safe and not get into any trouble while he was out. Plato gave her a shy smile and waved goodbye, holding his coat around himself to keep warm. It was nice out, but Plato got cold easily no matter the temperature. He was always wearing his big corduroy beige colored coat. Even in seventy to eighty degree weather. He kept it closed around himself by holding the coat together with one hand near his neck.

“You ready?” Jim asked as Plato reached him.

Plato nodded and Jim turned, holding the passenger door open for Plato before going around to the driver’s side. They were going to a nearby restaurant. A really fancy one too. Jim’s parents weren’t anywhere near as wealthy as Plato’s were, but Jim had gotten a job and had been saving for weeks to be able to afford the date. He wanted to make sure they had a good time.

“Where are we going?” Plato asked quietly, staring out the window as they drove.

“That real nice place on the corner of Jefferson and Saginaw,” Jim replied, glancing to one side to smile at Plato as they drove. Plato was one of the most beautiful things on earth, Jim thought. The eighth wonder of the world. Even turned away from him in profile, he looked beautiful.

Plato turned to Jim and said, still smiling, “The one with the real good potatoes and pot roast?”

Jim turned back to the road, smiling himself, and shrugged. “Yeah, I guess so. I haven’t ever been there before. It’s a real expensive place.”

“I went once,” Plato replied, turning back to look out the window. “When my folks were still together. When my mother wasn’t leaving all the time. And my dad was around.” His smile vanished as he spoke. Jim glanced at him. He knew that though Plato seemed to have the high life, his family life was anything but ideal. His father was an abusive piece of shit and his mother was too. He was their plaything and frankly, he was glad Plato’s parents were gone most of the time so they couldn’t and didn’t hurt him as often.

He pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant. It was called _Shrimp Scampi And Pinto Noir_. A long title for a fancy restaurant, but the parking lot was packed, tables were only available by reservation, and it was widely known as the nicest place in town. If you got to eat there, you had status.

Jim parked and got out of the car, going around to the passenger’s side to hold the door open for Plato. They wouldn’t be able to kiss and hold hands like every other couple in the restaurant, not if they wanted to get home without incident or even alive, but being able to go out with him at all felt like a privilege, one he’d never thought he’d be able to have with someone he truly loved and cared for. So he didn’t mind. Not that much anyway.

“Hello,” said the hostess – a pretty blonde girl with green eyes – as they entered the restaurant. “Do you have a reservation?”

Jim nodded. “Yeah, under Stark. Table for two.”

The hostess checked the roster and then looked up and smiled and nodded. “Yes, I got you down right here,” she said, grabbing a pair of menus and leading them back to a table for two in the middle of the restaurant. Jim followed her, turning to smile at Plato, but his smile died on his lips.

Plato was curled in on himself, his eyes darting around the restaurant, chewing on his thumb, walking slowly as he followed Jim and the host back to their table. He looked frightened and nervous. It was then Jim realized what was wrong: the lights above them were bright, very bright. Maybe not too bright for him, but for Plato he was sure they were. And the restaurant itself was packed, full of noise. Too much noise for Plato to handle.

He immediately felt guilty as he realized he had not thought this through.

Plato hated loud noises and brightness. He panicked when he was around both of those things. Jim had seen this happen many times. And not just when they were out of the house. Sometimes when they were in the house too and his mother wasn’t even home. He hardly heard the hostess tell them their server would be with them shortly as he watched Plato sit down gingerly on the edge of his seat, his hands between his knees as his eyes darted around the restaurant. Jim watched the hostess walk away before he leaned in and asked quietly, “You okay?”

Plato looked at Jim as though he were seeing him for the first time. He was quiet for a long time, just staring at him and blinking before he nodded without speaking.

Jim swallowed hard. “No, I don’t think you are, Plato,” he replied softly. “What’s wrong?”

Plato looked at the table, covered with a pure white tablecloth. For several more moments, he was quiet, then he spoke in a voice barely above a whisper, “It’s loud. And real bright.”

Jim nodded. He wanted to reach across the table and take Plato’s hands in his own. He wanted to pull him into a hug and tell him everything would be okay. But he couldn’t do any of that. Not in the middle of a crowded restaurant where someone might see.

The waiter arrived to take their drink order and Jim ordered them two waters.

“You wanna go outside for a minute?” Jim asked. “I’ll leave a note on the table so they don’t give it away and we can still have dinner. Unless you wanna get it to go and we can go home.”

Plato continued staring at the table. Very slowly he looked up and nodded. “Let’s go outside.”

Jim nodded once and stood. He pulled a pad and paper out of his jacket and left a note on the table before he got up. He helped Plato up and walked them as quickly as he could out of the restaurant, not looking at anyone as he went. He wanted to hold Plato under his jacket, shield him from the rest of the world to help him calm down, but he couldn’t. Not in public.

 _It’s not fair,_ he thought quietly, pressing his lips into a thin line. _Why can everyone else except people like us show their love in public? What makes our love so wrong?_

He couldn’t answer those questions. No matter how hard he tried. It just didn’t make sense to him why people cared if he loved a boy instead of a girl. He didn’t understand why people rejected Plato because he’d been born a girl, but was really a boy. It didn’t make sense why people were so hateful towards people they didn’t even know.

The sun was setting in earnest when he burst through the front doors again, Plato by his side, the sky streaked with red and orange and yellow and pink as the sun began to dip below the horizon. He stared for a moment at the dazzling colors, amazed that the world could show such beauty in a time when he felt there was none, before he led Plato around to the side of the restaurant where no one would be able to see them. He wrapped his arms around him and held him.

Plato shook in his arms, gasping for breath, his entire body heaving, his hands curling into his clothes as he struggled to keep himself upright. His legs shook so badly that Jim knew he was the only thing that was keeping Plato upright and he hated every single person that had ever made Plato so scared that he was scared of the world forever.

“It’s okay,” he said quietly, holding him tight. “I got you. I’m not gonna leave you. It’s okay.”

He felt Plato shake his head in his arms, letting out a soft whimpering moan as he gasped out, “It’s not okay. It’s not. I’m a freak. It’s not okay.”

Jim slowly lowered Plato to the ground, thinking it might be easier to look at him and speak to him if he didn’t have to hold him upright. He took his face in his hands, making him look at him as he said, “You’re not a freak, Plato. You’re human. And you’re just different. No, not everyone hates bright lights and loud noises, but that don’t make you a freak. That just makes you you.”

Plato’s face twisted as he said, clutching at Jim’s sleeve, “But it does, everyone says it does. My own mother says it does. So do the people at school and –”

But that was all the further Plato got before Jim pulled his lips to his own and kissed him hard. “Not to me,” he said firmly again them. He kissed him again. “Not to Pam.” He kissed him a third time, hard and passionate, feeling Plato’s entire body relax in his arms as he did. When he pulled away this time, he pressed their foreheads together saying, “And we’re the ones that matter. Those other people don’t understand you. And they don’t matter. We matter. We do understand you. So listen to me. Please. Please listen to me.”

Plato was quiet for a moment, then he took Jim’s face in his hands and pulled his lips back to him, kissing him hard. Vaguely, as he did so, Jim realized this was the first time they’d kissed. They’d hugged plenty. They’d held hands. But this was the first time they’d kissed and as they did Jim realized something else: he never wanted to kiss anyone else ever again.

“Okay,” Plato said softly, his voice still shaking, his hands still trembling, but when Jim pulled back to look into his eyes he saw the panic was gone. “Okay. I believe you. Okay.”

Jim smiled. He couldn’t help himself. He kissed Plato yet again and this time when he pulled away, he stood, holding a hand out to Plato as he asked, “You ready to go back inside? Or d’you wanna get our food to go and eat at home?”

Plato took Jim’s hand, letting him help him up. “Let’s go back inside. We can bring something home for Pam. I know she’d like to try this place.”

Jim smiled, proud of Plato for so many reasons, but mostly for always being so brave.

“Okay,” he agreed. “We can do that.”

And, hand in hand, not really caring who saw, they went back inside.

**Author's Note:**

> i have a few more ideas for this universe, but i'm goin' to focus on my outsiders fics more for a while cause i have more ideas for them and writin' stuff i don't have ideas for doesn't help my writin' problems.


End file.
